Now with more prefection - March 10th, 2007

I don't know how to say this. I'm not normally right in an altercation. And in this case I have a hard time even understanding why tiff is with me. She really, truly doesn't do anything wrong and yet once again I've fucked up. I can't help but wonder when the point is going to come that she decides that the amount of problems I cause are not worth how much she loves me. I really am too clumsy to be in a relationship and I get the feeling now that I'm just going to end up marring further the porcelain exsistance of her. Evven now, on one hand i'm pissed because I asked her if she was ok if I just checked up on Autumn. On the other hand I should have known that she needed this time and that to leave her, even a little when she so deserved some time, was disrespectful of her needs, especially when she's so attentive to mine.

It kills me to know that she thinks that she is always going to be second best. I HAVE to change that. I know I can't force it. I just have to show her through actions and intentions. I've always felt like if I loved somebody and they loved me then that meant that other people who needed my attention could receive it since i give so much attention the rest of the time. I need to learn to say, 'no' to others more often. She deserves my attention. I'm a little angry. I felt like I did a lot today and I worked pretty hard. On the other hand I'm hers and she comes first. I have bad habits and I NEED to change them.

Regardless of what I feel like I did today, i still feel like she did mroe and when it gets right down to it, I know that I fucked up again. She's going to leave me eventually if I keep this shit up.